If your response is “BUT I AM SOCIALLY AWKWARD AND MAYBE PROBABLY HAVE ASPERGER’S,” then I’m sorry that you are dealing with that particular set of challenges-but when it comes to armchair diagnoses, I usually see “he has a social disorder” used to excuse men, and “she has a mental illness” used to attack and discredit women. If you believe that your exceptional smarts make you an authority on other people’s experiences and perspectives, then you have some growing the fuck up to do. It means opening yourself up to narratives in which you are not the expert or the hero. Men: If your response to that is “BUT I AM TOTALLY GROWN UP I MAYBE EVEN HAVE A WIFE AND SOME KIDS AND STUFF HOW DARE YOU,” then you fell into my devious trap because that is not a very grown-up response, is it? Growing the fuck up means being able to admit that you still have learning to do. I’d like to chime in with my own, less thoughtful suggestion: Men in tech, myself included, can grow the fuck up. So, first things first, Shanley Kane wrote an essential guide to the steps that men in tech can take to address systemic sexism.
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